Image: AI
5 Oct 2026 | 12:06 A child might run to their mother after falling down but look for their father when they want to play a game or try something new. Ever noticed how a child can be perfectly calm with their father but throw a full-blown tantrum the moment their mother walks into the room? Or how they keep chatting with one parent but suddenly become quiet when the other asks them a question? It can leave parents confused, sometimes even hurt. One might wonder why the child listens to the other parent but argues over almost everything with them. But children don’t always behave the same way around both parents. And it doesn’t necessarily mean they love one more than the other. Quite often, they’re responding to how each parent makes them feel, how they react to different situations and what they’ve learnt to expect from them. It’s not always a conscious choice. One parent might be more patient when they cry, while the other might encourage them to stop worrying and try again. So, children start approaching them differently. Psychologists often explain this through attachment theory. Children develop emotional bonds with their caregivers and learn whether they can turn to them when they need help, comfort or reassurance. And these relationships don’t have to look exactly the same. What matters is that children feel loved and supported by both parents. This is probably one of the most frustrating things for parents. A child behaves well throughout the day, listens to their teacher and plays happily with their father. But the moment their mother comes home, there’s crying, shouting and refusing to do even the simplest things. They might be tired after school, hungry or simply overwhelmed. And the parent they spend more time with may end up seeing more of these reactions. Of course, not every tantrum means a child feels safe. Their behaviour can also depend on how parents respond to their demands and set boundaries. Children are watching more than parents realise. They notice who gets angry quickly, who listens, who gives in during an argument and who usually makes the final decision. For instance, if one parent regularly changes the other’s decisions, a child may start approaching them differently. And when parents disagree about discipline, screen time, food or bedtime, children can pick up on that confusion. This doesn’t mean parents have to agree on everything. But they should try not to contradict each other in front of the child over every small decision. The first thing parents can do is stop comparing. A child doesn’t have to behave identically with their mother and father. Nor does choosing one parent for comfort or play mean they’re rejecting the other.
Instead, pay attention to what happens before a particular reaction. Does the child get upset when one parent asks them to finish homework? Do they become quiet when they’re being questioned? Are they more relaxed with the parent who gives them time to speak? These little patterns can tell parents a lot. And there’s no need to turn parenting into a competition over who the child listens to more. Both parents can have different relationships with their child, and that’s perfectly normal. What children really need is to know they can go to either parent without being laughed at, scolded or made to feel guilty for expressing themselves. Sometimes, understanding why a child behaves differently starts with listening a little more and taking their reactions a little less personally. You use AI every day. Now get your AI Quotient. Take the AIQ test Get the latest Lifestyle News and more. Download the TOI app.