Photo: @bkshivani/ X
Relationships and bonds are not formed with words and behaviour but with how we think BK sister Shivani To understand what sister Shivani is trying to say, think about a conversation where someone says all the right things, with words sweet words like “I understand,” “take your time,” “no worries”, but we still walk away feeling small or unwelcome. Some other aspect seems to be doing the actual work underneath. It can be seen in the silences, in how we react when no one is watching, in what we assume about someone before they’ve even spoken. We talk to people with love and care, but sometimes our perspective is not positive. Nothing in their words was wrong, but suddenly we notice a sense of irritation, judgment, and impatience behind the sentence. That is the silent gap BK Shivani is talking about. Words are just the surface; it is the thoughts actually running beneath the sentences, and people tend to feel this current more than they hear the words. Without even realising our tone of voice, facial expression, timing, and body language speak more than we think about what we’re actually feeling and thinking in the moment, not by what we have decided to say, but by what our real perspective is behind the words.
A parent can say “I’m proud of you” while thinking “you could have done better,” and the child senses it and moves forward with the second message, not the first. BK’s sister Shivani is an engineer turned life coach, motivational speaker, and rajyoga guide. She often explains morality, positive thoughts, and perspectives on life and guides her views and followers through tumultuous times through her words of positivity. She beautifully explains that bonds and relationships are nurtured by good thoughts and intentions, not by the words we spend so much energy choosing. A colleague can be helpful in polite language while internally resenting being asked, and that resentment tends to silently become visible somehow. We often do not realise the silent importance of behaviour, which is like the downstream of thought; it is hard to fake warmth we don’t feel, at least not for long, and not without cost to the person doing the faking. But performing actual care and really carrying a caring thought about someone are two different acts, and most people, consciously or not, can tell them apart. Looking for trusted parenting advice? Follow TOI Parenting Circle on Instagram for expert guidance, relatable stories, and practical tips delivered every day. Get the latest Lifestyle News and more. Download the TOI app.
In today’s digitally driven world of calls, messages, and social media, politeness has become easy to perform and easy to predecide.
We rehearse apologies, soften bad news, and pick the right tone for a difficult conversation. And yet, anyone who has been in a long relationship knows that the right words don’t always fix things, and the wrong words don’t always break them.