“Nothing.”
Because they care, parents usually ask questions.
According to Dr. “Who said this? Simple responses such as, “That sounds difficult,” or “I understand why you felt upset,” can encourage children to continue talking. Sometimes they need to know that they can tell you what happened without regretting that they told you.
It can be one of the shortest answers a child gives and one of the easiest for adults to overlook. How was school? Nothing. Why are you upset? Sometimes, a child genuinely has nothing to say. But sometimes, that one word is the end of a conversation they no longer feel comfortable having. When every attempt to share is followed by more questions, advice, correction or judgment, a child can slowly learn that staying quiet is easier. And that is where something important can happen: the child may not have fewer problems. They may simply have stopped bringing them home. Sugami Ramesh, Senior Clinical Psychologist, Apollo Hospital, Bannerghatta Road, Bengaluru, children need an environment where they can express themselves without feeling constantly questioned or controlled. They want to know whether their child had a difficult day, whether something happened at school or whether a sudden change in behaviour means there is a problem. But a conversation can quickly turn into an interrogation without anyone intending it. “Why did you do that? “What were you thinking? For an adult, these may sound like reasonable questions. For a child who is already upset, they can feel like pressure. And if the child expects criticism, punishment or a long lecture every time they speak, silence can become a form of protection. A child who feels secure is more likely to develop confidence, independence and self-respect. Emotional safety comes from knowing that mistakes, worries and fears can be shared without fear of punishment or criticism. Parents and teachers can support children by reassuring them that all emotions are acceptable, even difficult ones such as sadness, anger, disappointment or fear. Validation does not mean agreeing with every behaviour; it means recognising what the child is feeling. The way a question is asked can influence how a child responds. Instead of asking: “What happened? “Whose fault was it? Parents can try gentler questions such as: “How was your day? “Was there anything difficult? “Would you like to talk about it? “Do you need help dealing with this? Open-ended questions allow children to express themselves in their own words and give them a sense of control over the conversation. Not every meaningful conversation needs to happen across a table with a parent asking serious questions. Children may not always need adults to fix what happened. As Dr. Ramesh puts it, if adults want children to talk openly, they need to make listening feel safer than silence.
“Why didn’t you tell me earlier? What happened today? “What was different today?
It can happen while walking home from school. During a car ride. While eating dinner. Before bedtime. While doing something completely ordinary. These small, relaxed moments can make talking feel less like a formal exercise. Making regular connection a habit also means parents don’t have to wait for a crisis before asking how their child is doing. The goal is not to make a child report everything. It is to make sure they know where they can go when they need to talk. A child’s emotional development does not happen only at home. School is one of the first social worlds a child experiences. It is where children encounter classmates with different personalities, family backgrounds, financial circumstances and ways of seeing the world. That exposure can be valuable. Listen before correcting. Understand before judging. Give children time to finish. Ask whether they want help. And don’t make every disclosure the beginning of an investigation.
Because adults have learned to ask better questions, and children will not suddenly start sharing everything. But there is another kind of exposure that happens every day, without being scheduled: the child sitting next to them in class. Growing up alongside people whose lives may look different can help children understand that their own experience is not the only way of seeing the world. There is no perfect script for talking to a child. But the atmosphere around those conversations can change.
Today, schools often create opportunities for children to experience the world through field trips, community projects, exchanges and other activities.
