Amen says a parent’s job does not end when their child turns 18. Psychiatrist Daniel G.
Psychiatrist Daniel G. Amen recently raised this concern while discussing young people leaving home for college. He questioned the idea of sending young adults, whose brains are still developing, into an environment with limited adult supervision. He also pointed to the changing nature of college-party culture, where alcohol may coexist with cannabis and psychedelic substances such as psilocybin. His comments may sound alarming, but they raise a more useful parenting question: When children leave home, does parental influence really end?
The conversation should happen before the hostel room
For an 18-year-old living away from home, it may simply mean parents continuing to know what is happening in their child’s life: who their close friends are, how college is going, whether they are struggling and whether something about their behaviour has changed. Research following young people through the transition from high school to emerging adulthood has found that leaving home and entering college can coincide with increases in heavy episodic drinking. The same research also found that stronger parental monitoring during the final year of high school was associated with lower increases in heavy drinking and, among college students, fewer increases in marijuana use. A common mistake is to have the first serious conversation about drugs after a child has already left home. By then, the child may already have encountered situations where saying no feels socially difficult. These conversations give children something more useful than a list of forbidden substances: a script for handling pressure. It is also worth telling children that they can call home when something goes wrong without immediately fearing punishment. It may be the confidence to pause, think about the consequences, walk away when something feels wrong – and call home when they need help.
A young person who previously came home to parents every evening may suddenly be making decisions about alcohol, parties, friends and sleep without anyone immediately around to intervene. Parents can start much earlier by talking about real situations rather than delivering a lecture.