Quote of the day by Ram Dass (Photo: Ram Dass/ @BabaRamDass/ X)
“Thoughts are happening,” “Feelings are moving through,” “A story is playing out. But we do not need to become monks to practice this. We can start by pausing during the day and silently observing and being mindful. Over time, that small change from actor to observer can change how you experience everything. Looking for trusted parenting advice? Follow TOI Parenting Circle on Instagram for expert guidance, relatable stories, and practical tips delivered every day.
Most of us move through life as the “actor”: caught up in the drama, giving instant reactions to what is going on around us, not being who we truly are, and wanting the results to always go our way. We say, “I am angry,” “I am failing,” “I am not enough,” as if our entire self is the emotion, the situation, or the role we’re playing. The “witness,” by contrast, is the inner observer who notices and does not judge; it simply observes. Ram Dass describes it as “simple awareness, the part of you that is aware of everything, by just noticing, watching, just being present, being here now”. In such an environment, it’s easy to feel like you must always be “on point,” always proving yourself, always reacting.
In that mode, every problem feels personal, every setback feels like a big headline on who we are, and every emotion can pull us into a storm. Ram Dass was a spiritual teacher, a Harvard psychologist, a psychedelic, and a follower of Neem Karoli Baba who is credited with taking his teachings and the concept of Indian spirituality to the west. He once spoke about a beautiful idea to take up positions as the witness. The witness is the part of you that simply notices your thoughts, feelings, actions, and the whole story of your life, without immediately judging or getting carried away. Everything changes once we identify with being the witness to the story, instead of the actor in it Ram Dass In ordinary life, we usually identify with the “actor. In that state, we react automatically, beginning to defend, blame, worry, or try to control everything. Our sense of worth rises and falls depending on what happens outside. When we rest in this witnessing awareness, we are no longer completely submerged in the drama. We still feel, think, and act, but there is space around it. That space is where freedom begins. In such cases, anxiety, burnout, and a fragile sense of self are common results.
Today, many people live under constant pressure to be performative and look perfect.