Children do not always grow up to share their parents’ opinions, choices or ideas about life. Sometimes, they question family traditions, challenge expectations and take paths their parents may not have imagined. But what if this independence is not a sign of failed parenting but evidence that children have learnt to think for themselves?
Actor and musician Shruti Haasan offered an interesting perspective on this during a conversation with Twinkle Khanna at Tweak Summit 2026. 5 Oct 2026 | 12:06 Talking about her father’s influence, Shruti said, “My dad, he is really my biggest ally from my childhood which is the part of the reason I keep telling him I’m Frankenstein’s monster.
Explain the reasons behind household rules rather than relying only on “because I said so”. Speaking about her bond with her father, actor Kamal Haasan, Shruti described him as her biggest ally since childhood. Her candid remarks offer a useful parenting takeaway: children need guidance and support, but they also need the freedom to develop an identity of their own. So everything that he disagrees with, I’m like, ‘You raised me to be like this.’” Her humorous comparison points to a familiar experience in many families. Parents may encourage children to be confident, independent and willing to question the world, only to find that those same qualities sometimes lead their children to disagree with them. For parents, this can begin with small everyday choices. Instead of immediately dismissing a child’s opinion, ask why they feel that way. Allow age-appropriate decisions about hobbies, interests and personal expression. When disagreements arise, listen before responding. Importantly, supporting autonomy does not mean leaving children to manage everything alone. Children still need consistency, safety, emotional involvement and clear limits. The goal is to help them understand how to make thoughtful decisions, not simply to let them do whatever they want.
Because she was Kamal Haasan’s daughter, during the conversation, Twinkle Khanna asked Shruti whether she was treated differently. Shruti responded, “He’s always unimpressed with me. He’s the standard Indian dad. Her answer added humour to the discussion, but it also highlighted an important distinction: a parent can be supportive without constantly praising a child or agreeing with every choice. A healthy relationship can include disagreement, correction and high expectations, provided children still feel respected and valued. For Indian parents, this lesson can be especially relevant in families where educational choices, careers, relationships and personal decisions are often shaped by family expectations. Parents naturally want to protect their children from mistakes, but making every decision on their behalf can leave them with fewer opportunities to practise independent thinking. A more balanced approach is to remain involved while allowing children to participate in decisions that affect their lives. Parents can share their experience without assuming that their children must follow the same path. They can disagree without withdrawing affection, and they can correct behaviour without making a child feel that their entire identity is wrong. Shruti’s words do not offer a complete picture of her family’s parenting style, but they provide a relatable starting point for a wider conversation. Children learn from what parents teach them, but they also learn from the confidence, curiosity and independence that parents allow them to develop. Perhaps the lasting parenting lesson is this: raising a child is not about creating someone who always agrees with you. It is about helping them become someone who can think clearly, make responsible choices and still feel safe coming back to you, even when you disagree. You use AI every day. Now get your AI Quotient. Take the AIQ test Get the latest Lifestyle News and more. Download the TOI app.
A 2022 systematic review published in the ‘Journal of Family Theory & Review’ examined 63 studies on autonomy-supportive parenting. A separate meta-analysis published in ‘Educational Psychology Review’ examined 36 studies and found that parental autonomy support was associated with academic achievement and positive psychological outcomes, including motivation, perceived competence and psychological health. The important lesson is that independence should not automatically be mistaken for disrespect. A child who expresses a different opinion is not necessarily rejecting their parents. They may simply be applying the confidence and critical thinking they developed while growing up. Shruti’s description of Kamal as her ally is also significant. An ally is not someone who agrees with every decision, but someone who offers support and makes a person feel that they are not alone. For children, knowing that their parents will listen, even during disagreements, can create room for honest conversations. This does not mean parents must approve of every choice. They can establish boundaries, explain consequences and share their concerns while still respecting a child’s growing individuality. The aim is to guide children without making agreement the only acceptable response. Shruti’s experience connects with a concept studied in psychology called parental autonomy support. It refers to the ways parents encourage children to develop their own opinions, make choices, understand their feelings and take increasing responsibility for their decisions, while still providing guidance and appropriate boundaries. It found that this approach was associated with positive academic and social-emotional outcomes for children. The researchers also highlighted that family circumstances and cultural contexts influence how this kind of support is expressed. These findings suggest that giving children a voice can be valuable alongside providing structure and direction.