A five-year-old says he does not want to attend a birthday party. The easiest response is to tell him to stop being difficult. The harder one is to ask why he does not want to go.
In an interview with SS Podcast reported by The Indian Express, Madhavan said his family would hear his son’s suggestions and explain why they sometimes chose not to follow them. He also spoke about wanting home to be a place where his son could be himself without fear of judgement. And research into parenting suggests that this difference may matter well beyond whether a child gets to attend a birthday party. Before deciding what to do next, the teenager has to answer another question: Can I tell my parents what happened without being humiliated? This is where the quality of communication at home can make a difference. Children who expect to be heard may find it easier to raise uncomfortable subjects, even when they know their parents might disagree with them. This is one reason listening matters: it can make difficult conversations feel less like interrogations and more like opportunities to seek help.
5 Oct 2026 | 12:06 That small difference lies at the heart of a parenting approach actor R Madhavan has spoken about: treating his son Vedaant’s opinions seriously from the age of five. A 2025 meta-analysis published in American Psychologist examined 238 studies involving 126,423 participants across different cultural settings. Listening does not mean the child gets to cancel every plan. It means his answer is worth understanding before an adult dismisses it. Children are often expected to follow instructions long before they are given a chance to understand them. Eat what is served. Wear what has been chosen. Stop asking questions. Do not argue with elders. Researchers found that parental autonomy support was associated with greater child well-being, while psychologically controlling parenting was associated with poorer well-being. These relationships were seen across regions, children’s developmental stages and sexes. Autonomy support does not mean leaving children to fend for themselves. It means giving them room to express preferences, understand choices and develop a sense of agency while adults continue to provide guidance. Ask before assuming. Instead of deciding that a child is being stubborn, ask what is making a situation difficult. Explain the reason behind a rule. A clear explanation helps a child understand the decision, even when they dislike it. Allow age-appropriate choices. Let children have a say in manageable matters such as hobbies, clothing or how they organise their free time. Disagree without humiliation. Correct the behaviour without mocking the child for having a different opinion. Keep safety boundaries firm. Listening does not require parents to approve of unsafe choices. Admit when you get it wrong. Apologising after an unfair response shows children that accountability applies to adults, too.
Because it came from someone younger, sometimes, respect begins with something much smaller: an adult putting down their phone, listening to the whole answer and resisting the urge to dismiss it simply. The benefit is not that children will always make better decisions. It is that they get opportunities to practise expressing themselves and thinking through decisions with a trusted adult. Imagine a teenager who has made a mistake. They have lied about where they were, performed poorly in an exam or made a decision their parents would strongly disapprove of. It does not guarantee that a child will tell a parent everything. Temperament, peer relationships, family conflict and the child’s stage of development also matter. But when parents routinely respond to questions with ridicule, anger or shame, they risk making silence feel safer than honesty. The approach need not involve lengthy conversations or major changes to family life. It can begin with a few everyday habits: The last point may be the most difficult. Parents are often expected to be the authority in the room, and admitting a mistake can feel as though it weakens that position. In practice, it can show children that a disagreement does not have to become a contest in which one person must win. The value of listening to children is not that it produces unusually obedient children or guarantees that they will grow up to be confident adults. No single parenting approach can promise either outcome. It is that children get repeated experiences of being taken seriously. They learn that disagreement does not automatically lead to rejection, that rules can have reasons and that asking questions is not the same as challenging someone’s authority. A child does not need to run the household to feel respected. You use AI every day. Now get your AI Quotient. Take the AIQ test Get the latest Lifestyle News and more. Download the TOI app.