If we want to know who our children are, we have to listen to what they say, and make them

Because our children are still learning about the world, we must already know better, as parents, it is easy to assume that. We often believe we know what our children are going to say before they have even finished saying it. We forget that, at the end of the day, we are human beings communicating with each other. So, we tune out or talk over them to “get to the point. At the same time, listening can also be daunting for parents, especially if they, themselves, are fatigued or having a busy or a bad day.

28 Jul 2026 | 16:22 I think so many times we talk to our children, but don’t truly listen to them and ask them questions. Because it is the best way to create and nurture a caring relationship with our children, however, we forget that listening, actually listening, to our children is the single most vital skill for meaningful parent-child communication.

When listening to them, we don’t need to “fix” their issue for them. Actively listening to our children means paying attention to what our children have to say. It means being aware of what they are saying and turning off the running dialogue at the back of your mind – thinking about all the things you need to do or should be doing or even thinking of the perfect response to your children – that you miss half of what they are even saying. It also means not just listening to the words and their literal meanings but also to the way your child is speaking and what that tells you about how they feel. Often, your child needs to vent or feel understood by talking to a person who will simply accept them. This is not the time to object, teach, ask too many questions, or even necessarily help your child solve a problem, but let them talk without interruptions or judgements. Of course, accepting doesn’t mean you are agreeing with your child. However, by accepting their view, we free them up to focus on their own feelings, perhaps, even clarifying their own thoughts. When we actively listen to our children, we can show them that we care, their words have value, and that they matter. Moreover, we get to truly hear their needs or concerns. When you can hear their disappointment when they do not make it to the math olympiad team, you can accept their frustration when things don’t go their way, or acknowledge their dissatisfaction when they complain that their peers have more freedom than they do, we are encouraging emotional expression. Listening means allowing them the time to decide their course of action, and showing our trust in their ability to solve their own problems, in turn, also improving their problem-solving skills. Having this secure relationship with our children is one of the strongest factors in helping them nurture their confidence, self-worth, empathy, and strengthen emotional regulation. It will empower them to grow into responsible and caring individuals with healthy relationships, which invariably will help them navigate various social contexts.

Because the more intently we listen, the deeper our relationship will be, and the more likely we can build trust, keeping these communication channels open is essential.

And they will start seeing you as being “in their corner,” a base they can always return to when they need support. There are many things we try to do to be better parents. We instruct them, tell them what to do or what is expected of them. But communication with them is not a one-way street. If we want to know who our children are, we have to listen to what they say, and make them start feeling heard and understood. Once this happens, it is more likely that your child will talk to you again in the future. Hemali Dalal, Managing Director, JBCN Education Looking for trusted parenting advice? Follow TOI Parenting Circle on Instagram for expert guidance, relatable stories, and practical tips delivered every day.